Now a new generation of toddlers is ready for their turn with the book. Katelyn Martens-Rodriguez is a children’s librarian and mother of this little cutie (see photo), Kyogen Joaquin, or KJ. Like many toddlers, KJ lives life full-throttle, rushing from one activity to the next, eager to explore. He doesn’t need teething to slow him down!

Katelyn says, “Teething has been a long journey for KJ, who has been drooling on and off since he was 4 months old. He has been inconsolable a handful of nights due to tooth pain. It’s easy to tell when he’s teething—KJ’s cheeks redden, he rubs his gums, and he pokes at the back of his mouth.” Sometimes, when he’s tired and teething, he bites and Katelyn has to say, “Teeth are for food, not mamas.” KJ knows to ask for ice, teething toys, and popsicles. But the biting? It happens fast. Toddlers tend to bite as a result of pain, frustration, or just to get a reaction.

I love knowing that parents and educators still reach for my book when biting episodes inevitably crop up. Child-development expert and early-childhood educator Sara Erickson has used Teeth Are Not for Biting with toddlers and their parents to help put words to children’s experiences when they’re learning not to bite.

Below, Sara shares her advice for handling those “Help—I have a teething toddler!” moments:

• Stay calm—young children are only beginning to learn how to handle their bodies and emotions. You may feel triggered as a parent if your child bites, but try not to get too angry or worried. Practice keeping your own emotions in check before you respond.
• Stay factual—narrate what happened without shaming the child. Saying “You put your teeth on his arm and that hurt him. He’s crying because it hurt,” tends to work better than yelling or scolding. You can also suggest words that might have helped with the problem that led to the bite. “You wanted her to move away. You can tell her, ‘I need space’ instead of biting.”
• Care for the person who was hurt—use gentle, factual language with the child who was hurt as well. If possible, allow the child who bit to see you comfort and care for the person who was hurt.
• Be a detective—what happened just before the bite? Was the child overtired, overwhelmed, frustrated, in a small space with others, or in pain from teething? Use those clues to help you watch for other moments when a bite might happen and calmly help meet your child’s needs before they become too much. Supporting a child before they bite and teaching them other ways to meet their needs is often the best way to get a child to stop biting.
• Use your words—an important message in Teeth Are Not for Biting is that simple, positive language can help us through struggles and upsets. The book encourages parents not to yell or use scolding phrases like “No biting!” or “Don’t bite!” A gentler approach keeps everyone calmer. As parents or caregivers, we often tell children to use their words instead of biting, but it’s helpful when adults use their words too. Children who have been exposed to more words¹, especially about emotions², regulate their emotions better, even if they do not use those words themselves.
• Know when to step in—it’s easier to offer support when emotions are rising than once they overflow. If conflict is brewing or your child is in a situation that tends to lead to biting, calmly move close to your child. You might use simple, factual language to narrate what is happening without judgement³
• You could say, “You wanted that block, but he is holding onto it. He is pulling it away and saying no.” Allow children the chance to work things out together, as long as everyone is safe. Children often solve problems more successfully when we slow down and put words to what is happening.
• Model self-regulation—your child is always watching what you do and say. If you’re struggling with the emotions that biting can provoke, talk with other trusted parents or caregivers. Most people who care for young children have experienced the biting issue, and they may be able to offer support. And remember, toddlers are just starting to learn how to handle their emotions and their bodies—and that’s a big adjustment! Give your child (and yourself) grace as you figure it out together.

One last thing…you’re not alone. Parents everywhere deal with the biting issue. One such parent posted this photo on Reddit, noting the fine sense of irony their child was developing. The photo made it all the way to The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

The post Teeth Are Not for Biting – 20th Anniversary appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

When my daughter Olivia was a toddler, her best friend was Will, the two-year-old down the street. Will didn’t say much, so Olivia talked for both of them. He adored trains—his “choo-choos.” All summer before preschool started, we’d spend as many days as we could in Will’s “train yard.” His train yard was a three-by-three-foot pile of landscaping rock his parents had dumped in the backyard just for Will. Puddles formed the occasional moat. The whole thing was a muddy, mucky mess—and an absolute magnet for a pair of toddlers engaged in mostly parallel play.

Will and Olivia would climb up and down the rocks, pushing trains across the bumpy terrain. The two little engineers liked to take brief breaks to water the garden. They’d also dig trenches and trails or look for bugs. All the while, two tired moms could sit in the shade and talk—about what else but our kids!

I’ll admit that I’m not always the outdoorsy type. I’m the one under a tree in a humongous straw hat reapplying sunscreen. But Will liked to stay outdoors from morning till bedtime, and I learned the importance of all that “messy time” in the fresh air. Will’s mom was a pediatric nurse, and she had an insider’s knowledge about keeping young children moving and exploring. I was good at reading to my daughter, working on puzzles, and playing pretend. But I had a lot to discover about that sensory playtime children need and crave.

Why Get Messy?

So many reasons! You’ve probably heard from doctors and educators about how important it is to provide children with gross- and fine-motor activities for muscle growth. Active outdoor play is essential for children’s development (at all ages and stages). By making “messy time” a feature of daily life, you’ll help your little ones improve their physical fitness, thinking skills, sensory awareness, and creativity.

Outdoor places: Don’t have space for a “train yard”? How about a dirt pit or small sandbox? You can also go to the playground or park a few times per day or take walks in your neighborhood. Look for places where your child can try out full-body movements: running, marching, climbing, rolling, tumbling. Don’t shy away from puddles, muddy patches, and fresh-mown grass. I’ll bet some of your best childhood memories include stomping your feet in water or getting grass stains on your elbows and knees.

As I write this, it’s seven degrees in Minnesota. (What I wouldn’t give for a bit of fresh-mown grass!) In the afternoons, I see children outside making snow angels or simply looking at the size and shape of their footprints in the snow. I watch dads and moms joining in the play or shivering nearby.

If long days spent outdoors are not possible due to your work or the weather, you can still have that all-important messy time indoors.

Indoor spaces: Is there somewhere at home where your child can spread out for messy play? And not just the kind of play where blocks and toys are scattered all over the floor. I’m talking about the type of messy that involves paint, sponges, dough, ink stampers, food ingredients, bubbles—ooey, gooey, icky, sticky fun! Sometimes, we forget that boundaries can inhibit creativity. For example, if your child has a coloring book that shows a picture to fill in, there are automatic borders: the border of the page, the lines in the image itself. What if you were to give your child enormous sheets of paper, plus fingerpaints and other art supplies? What if your child could cover his palms in paint to make handprints? Use sponges to apply the colors? Blow bubbles indoors? Help you make a batch of play dough or slime? Activities such as these encourage not only dramatic expression but also emotional release. Try doing some with your child—you just might realize that making a mess is fun!

Happy faces: Whether you are making messes indoors or out, you’re encouraging open-ended play—or play without borders. When Olivia and Will played side-by-side, their train-wrangling led to rock-stacking, led to hole-digging, led to mud-smearing—which culminated in washing the trains in the nearby baby pool. A story almost seemed to be taking shape. Time would pass as the two friends got caught up in their sensory-rich play, which included sound (chugga-chugga-choo choo!), smell, taste, and touch. Back then, as a new mom, I was learning the importance of giving young children the places and spaces to extend their play. What I know all these years later is that I opened doors for Olivia to explore whole-body movement and the beginnings of imaginative thinking. By the end of the day, she and Will were usually covered in dirt, grass, food stains, bubble soap, and splotches of sunscreen. But what I remember most are the happy faces looking up at us—and the nights of better sleep after a full day of play.

What About Clean-Up?

Clean-up time may not be as fun as messy time, but it’s an inevitable part of our everyday lives. Think of clean-up time as a teaching tool. I watched in awe as my daughter entered Montessori school that fall and at age three was learning to wipe the table, wash out her paintbrushes, use a tiny broom and dustpan to clean the floor, and tidy up with her new friends. Even better, she liked it! It was an aha moment for me. I saw that Olivia was eager to stretch her skills and show respect for her environment. I embraced the idea at home, building in extra time for her to help me clean up after our mess-making while singing the classic “Clean-Up Song” on repeat.

Later, I even wrote a book on the topic for toddlers—Clean-Up Time. Speaking of messes and cleaning up, one of my favorite picture books for children is the beloved Harry the Dirty Dog by Gene Zion, illustrated by Margaret Bloy Graham, originally published in 1956 and still going strong. Harry, a white dog with black spots, hates bath time. He buries the scrubber and runs away, only to become so dirty that no one recognizes him when he returns covered in mud and railroad soot. Will he dig up that scrubber and face clean-up time with a new outlook? Indeed! Children love watching Harry’s transformation from clean to dirty to clean once again. You can find the book at your local library, or look for a free read-aloud version by Betty White, produced by StorylineOnline.

The post The Benefits of Messy Time appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

This month, our nation is focusing more on bullying prevention. But the fact is, bullying happens every single day of the school year.

The statistics tell us:

• 1 in 3 students is the victim of bullying.
• 1 in 3 students bullies someone.
• Nearly 9 out of 10 students have been “bystanders,” or those who see or know about bullying.

Kids tell us:

• “Every day I get called weird, freaky, and stupid—and way worse than those.”
• “I hate going to school because people spread fake rumors about me. They don’t even know me!”
• “I cried like every day of fifth grade because of the bullies.”

These days, we’re all hearing more about the issue of bullying because people young and old are speaking out. One thing we can do during October for National Bullying Prevention Month is to be sure the voices grow louder.

Talk to your children about bullying; ask them if they’ve been bullied or if they’ve bullied others. Be open and honest to create a feeling of trust. Let the kids in your life know you’re willing to listen and help.

In 2012, Phyllis Kaufman Goodstein and I were working on Bystander Power, a book for kids ages 8–13 on how to recognize, stand up to, and prevent bullying. While researching and writing, we discovered:

• Boys do more physical bullying than girls do.
• Boys and girls do an equal amount of verbal bullying.
• Both boys and girls take part in relational bullying (damaging a victim’s relationship with friends and peers), but girls do more of it.
• Both girls and boys cyberbully. One in 5 students is cyberbullied, and 1 in 5 students cyberbullies.

There’s good news, though:

When kids intervene and give help, bullying stops in 10 seconds or less more than half the time.

So, kids can have a positive influence. They have a voice. They have the power to effect change, and that power is more than any bully has. It’s up to us, as adults, to help them raise their voices so change can happen—at school, in the neighborhood, on the bus, in chat rooms, on social media sites, and anywhere bullying takes place.

“The culture of bullying won’t end until people across the country take action and show kids that they care,” says Julie Hertzog, director of PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center.

The month of October is a great time to start . . . but bullying prevention is something we should all pay attention to year round. How have you worked to raise awareness of bullying in your family or school?

Elizabeth Weiss Verdick has written children’s books for kids of all ages, from toddlers to teens. Elizabeth loves helping kids through her work as a writer, an editor, and a mentor to children and teens. She lives in Minnesota where she plays traffic cop for her many furry, four-footed friends.

The post National Bullying Prevention Month appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

Confession: I’m writing this with three screens in front of me. The laptop I’m typing on, the phone I’m using for an interview, and the iPad playing an episode of The Office like white noise. (The fans blowing in the room aren’t blocking out household sounds, so the folks at Dunder Mifflin are helping do the job.) I suspect this will be a familiar scenario for many of you who are working from home. Screens are our routine.

And now our children have screen routines of their own.

Over the past year, many children relied on screens for learning and for staying in touch with family and friends. With so much time spent indoors avoiding crowds, kids also turned to screens for much of their entertainment, which increased the number of hours spent gaming and going online. Families now must adjust, figuring out summer screen rules for kids who’ve become more dependent on technology while also becoming more independent in their use of it.

How do you tell kids to cut down on their technology use? How can you do it convincingly if you’re in front of a screen yourself much of the day? It’s not easy.

My eight-year-old nephew and his parents are dealing with this problem. Lucas’s dad, Charles, discussed how he’s noticed that his son has spent so much of the past year on his iPad that he’s lost some of the social skills he was gaining at school and in team sports. “Now Lucas always talks about how everything is boring,” Charles told me. “The iPad kept his attention and now he wants it all the time. Lucas sets up two screens, one for his video game and one to FaceTime a friend playing the same game. It’s social, in a way. But maybe not the best way.”

Lucas’s mom, Erica, also faces the frustrations that come with their son’s gaming fascination. She said, “Lucas loves watching YouTube videos of gamers playing games while loudly commenting on every move!” Setting time limits on his video viewing leads to conflict, and sometimes she ends up just giving in after a long day of work. She’s learned that the best way to get Lucas to give up the screen is to have something planned to get him out of the house, like a game of tennis or a trip to the park. This is the point in the interview when Lucas himself chimed in: “She bribes me with Robux too!” (Robux are in-game currency for the game Roblox.) He then told his mom he’d give up the iPad for a week if she’d buy him two million Robux.

It helps to have a sense of humor about it all.

I’ve been writing about social and emotional learning (SEL) issues for years now, and I have a new set of books called Screen Time Is Not Forever, with a board book for toddlers and a more in-depth paperback for kids PreK-3. I wrote them for kids like Lucas, kids who love their tech but need limits so they still make time for friendships, fitness, and learning. (I’ll try to keep my sense of humor when Lucas tells me my new books are boring.)

As parents, we need lots of tools in our child-raising toolbox. As we help children move past the pandemic and find balance in their day-to-day activities, I think it’s important to keep our messages to kids positive, not punitive. Screen time isn’t “bad”—it’s a fundamental (and fun) part of modern life.

How can you present screen-time limits in a positive way?

Put real-world experiences first.

Have a daily routine that focuses on play dates, exercise, outdoor time, and face-to-face interaction. Marieka Heinlen, the illustrator of Screen Time Is Not Forever, has stuck to the idea of keeping screen time to a minimum by setting a good example for her two kids. Marieka said, “I’ve always wanted my kids to spend a lot of their time outside with friends or doing creative activities with their hands. We really try to spend time as a family off screens, just having fun together. Now that my kids are older, setting this example—as much as possible—has paid off.”

Make a family media plan.

You can check out the website healthychildren.org by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) for a family media plan that suits the ages of your children. The site allows you to customize items that apply to your kids and how you want media to fit into their lives. Another option is to keep things simple by making a screen-time schedule for your child each day.

Put computers and televisions in a shared area of your home.

This way, you can monitor what your child sees on screens and be part of the experience too.

Create screen-free zones.

Experts suggest having tech-free zones throughout the home so children and adults have places where they know screens stay off. For example, maybe you decide no tech at the table during family meals, or you make a rule that children can’t have screens in their bedrooms.

Monitor your own screen use.

Check in with yourself to see how you use screens in front of your children. Do you text instead of play with your kids at the park? Are you on social media while your kids are in the room with you? Do you have the TV on in the background as you go about your day? We all do these things at times, so the goal is not to feel guilty. Instead, just ask yourself if there are behaviors you want to change.

Think quality over quantity.

Some days, you may need to let your child spend more time on a screen than you’d like, but that’s okay. Look for high-quality educational content, or seek recommendations from Common Sense Media, where you’ll find age-based suggestions for television, movies, games, and apps.

Remember, it’s okay for kids to be unplugged—and bored. That boredom can lead to creativity and innovation once children get used to going tech-free at certain times of day. Have a go-bag of items such as toys, books, stickers, art supplies, and sports equipment at the ready. Get outside together and have some fun.

And if all else fails, there’s always the Parental Controls feature.

Elizabeth Weiss Verdick has written children’s books for kids of all ages, from toddlers to teens. Elizabeth loves helping kids through her work as a writer, an editor, and a mentor to children and teens. She lives in Minnesota where she plays traffic cop for her many furry, four-footed friends.

The post How to Set Positive Summer Screen-Time Limits for Children appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

Welcome to the summer of 2021! As it has been for everyone, the past year and a half has been challenging and life-changing for those of us caring for someone on the autism spectrum. We’re all emerging from time spent mostly at home, where we found new ways to combine work, school, therapies, and play.

Elizabeth Verdick: As my 19-year-old son Zach said the other day, “Those of us with ASD or who are introverts may be sort of shell-shocked going out into the world to talk to people face to face again, not on a screen. Without a mask. I didn’t mind masks.” Our family spent the pandemic navigating Zach’s freshman year of college, during which he lived at home and did a mix of virtual and in-person classes. Most of his days were spent on a screen, whether it was for class, band rehearsals, or socializing.

Dr. Elizabeth Reeve: Many ASD families struggled with decreases in support services, social isolation, and education challenges. For some, mental and physical health suffered due to all the changes and transitions. For others, the comfort of being at home and avoiding the stress of day-to-day activities resulted in a time of peace and decreased stress. My patients did virtual visits, and again and again, I heard that families were struggling with increased screen time and a sedentary lifestyle. The ups and downs of technology were the main topics of conversation.

Now that life is returning to “normal,” we’re all finding our new norms. Services such as in-person therapy and in-home supports are reopening. However, many families have expressed that the option of virtual visits greatly improved their lives. People appreciated not having to take time off work, commute to appointments, or transport a child with special needs or behavioral issues. In many ways, screens have expanded our ability to interact with the world, including social and cultural events. The challenge is finding balance.

Parents report that “screen school” has increased their children’s resistance to doing other activities. Kids and teens on the autism spectrum have greater difficulty with transitions or stopping repetitive behaviors, and now face the added challenge of having to break screen-time habits created over the past year. On top of that, families have told Dr. Reeve they’ve noticed increased depression or anxiety and decreased sleep.

So, back to the summer of 2021—we see it as a great time to focus on physical and mental health. For every family member, not just a child or teen on the spectrum. Post-pandemic, let’s remember to be gentle with ourselves, and generous with others, moving forward. Get active—and get outdoors as often as possible for improved health. Daily exercise in the fresh air helps us cope with stress, create endorphins, increase fitness, and sleep better at night. Plus, outside time is often screen-free time!

For more ideas on curbing screen-time this summer, try the following tips:

• Set up a “Family Media Plan,” based on the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended guidelines found at healthychildren.org/MediaUsePlan. The plan can address the technology and media that your family decides are okay to use. Set limits on the hours per day spent with electronic devices, based on the age of the person in question. When a limit is set and followed, the transitions off of a device are less tense.
• Decide which shows, video games, computer games, and websites are allowed for your child. You can set up “Parental Controls” on electronic devices, if needed.
• Start to think of screen time as together time, when appropriate. Play video games as a family, watch educational and/or entertainment programming together, and use technology mainly to connect with faraway friends and family. Place electronic devices in common areas of the home so family members can’t close themselves off with their tech gadgets.
• Break up screen time into 30-minute increments. This makes transitions easier because your child has less time to get overly focused or stressed. Then set up a timer or a five-minute warning system so your child knows when to stop.
• Turn off the screens an hour before bedtime, to help people relax and to limit nighttime exposure to blue lights (they activate the brain and make good sleep harder to achieve). Keep electronics out of bedrooms at night—it’s too tempting to have them nearby.
• Now that school is out, you’ll need to take a closer look at what your kids are doing while on screens. Who are they texting? What social media are they exposed to? Which websites do they frequent? Do you approve of the video games your kids or teens play?
• If needed, use screen time as a reward system, especially if your child struggles with behavioral issues. For example, a half hour outside exercising could lead to a half hour of gaming, or whatever you think is fair.
• If your child is really into technology, encourage the use of electronic apps and programs that offer virtual exercise instruction. It’s a win-win.

Elizabeth Verdick: My son loves, loves, loves technology and he and his friends would game all night if they could. Now that the weather here in Minnesota is warm, he’s found a way to combine tech and fresh-air time. Zach goes on walking trails with his cell phone and his sighting scope to look for birds. He’s been passionate about birdwatching since age three, and he’s making lists of all the species he sees while on walks. He goes to the Audubon app to listen to recordings of bird calls, and then plays them while he walks to learn how different species sound. The Audubon app has a feature called “Sightings/Explore,” which lets you report the birds you’ve seen and then access other people’s reported sightings. Zach’s scope makes it fun and easy for him to see faraway birds. So far this summer, he’s spotted many a Turkey Vulture, Forester’s Tern, Bald Eagle, and Great-Crested Fly Catcher. As he says, “It’s a great way to indulge in something I like while staying active. And it gives me time to myself in nature instead of my room.”

Congratulations to all of us for getting through the past year. We can now welcome back the connections we’ve missed, while paying closer attention to any positive changes that we observed in our lives when it seemed like time stopped. We hope your summer of 2021 is filled with adventure, light, and birds in flight.

Elizabeth Reeve is a child and adolescent psychiatrist who has worked with children and teens on the autism spectrum for 30 years. She has an adult son with ASD.

Elizabeth Weiss Verdick has written children’s books for kids of all ages, from toddlers to teens. Elizabeth loves helping kids through her work as a writer, an editor, and a mentor to children and teens. She lives in Minnesota where she plays traffic cop for her many furry, four-footed friends.

The post Summer Screen Time Advice for Kids with ASD (and Their Families) appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

June is a perfect month to share toilet-training tips, because it is officially Potty-Training Awareness Month. As it happens, I’ve been thinking a lot about diapers—and not just because my geriatric dog now wears them. My nearly three-year-old nephew Andrew has recently taken the potty-training plunge. His parents, first-timers, were pleased to report that the process wasn’t as drastic as they’d expected. They went in with a plan and stuck to it. Motivation was the key.

So, how do you get your child motivated to say good-bye to diapers? Make the milestone as fun and positive as possible. Andrew’s mom, Barbara, set aside a weekend and filled their home with fun activities so they could all stay near the potty chair and stay busy together. Andrew’s Dad (Mark) played a supporting role by attending to baby brother Justin, making meals, and being a hands-on helper. Being focused kept everyone determined and on track. When it’s your child’s turn to potty train, make sure you have time set aside and a support system in place. Let family, friends, and babysitters know about your plan to leave diapers behind.

My book, Diapers Are Not Forever, is a gentle, positive introduction to potty training. For the first time, the book is now available in an English-Spanish edition. Its main message is “You can do what the big kids do,” which encourages young children to have a goal and to feel proud of their accomplishments along the way. The vibrant illustrations show children going through the pottying process with a growing sense of confidence. There are toilet-training tips at the end of the book for parents and caregivers. You can use Diapers Are Not Forever to prepare your child for what’s ahead, and reread it during potty training to reinforce the message “You’re a big kid now.”

Potty training has its ups and downs, so be prepared for both. Celebrate each success with plenty of praise and small rewards such as stickers on a chart. During training, Barbara “puffed up” Andrew by making calls to Grandma each time he used the potty; Grandma was prepared to receive these calls and to make a big deal about her grandson’s achievements. Barbara and Mark also knew it was important not to get upset about mistakes and accidents, which are inevitable. Experts advise that you clean up the messes without complaint, smile a lot, be patient, stay positive, and try, try again.

Most children potty train somewhere between the ages of two and four. Watch for signals that the time is right. Does your child sometimes wake up dry from naps? Does he or she show interest in how people use the toilet or ask questions about the process? These are clues that your child is reaching the age of readiness.

One piece of advice from many parents who’ve been through the process is get rid of the diapers first. Show your child how you’re giving the diapers away to babies who need them, and restate the idea that diapers are not forever. This way, you’re marking the milestone—as well as removing a potential crutch you can fall back on during those “down” moments of training.

You and your child will get through it! Don’t give up.

Do you have potty-training success stories—or funny stories—to share?

Also Available
Bilingual version: Diapers Are Not Forever/Los pañales no son para siempre board book by Elizabeth Verdick. Helps young children learn in both English and Spanish how and why to use the potty.

Elizabeth Verdick has been writing books since 1997, the year her daughter was born. Her two children are the inspiration for nearly everything she writes. Previously she shared her personal story, Telling My Son He Has Autism, on this blog. These days she writes books for babies, toddlers, teens, and every age in between. She especially loves creating new board book series—the first books in the Happy Healthy Baby^® series are now available. The Toddler Tools^® series helps young children and their parents cope with those tough times and transitions that happen every day (like naptime and bedtime). The Best Behavior^® series helps toddlers reach new milestones and improve their day-to-day behavior. Elizabeth also enjoys getting the chance to look at the funny side of life in the Laugh and Learn^® series, which helps kids ages 8 to 13 get a handle on the social-emotional skills they’re developing throughout the elementary and middle school years.

The post June Is Potty-Training Awareness Month … Who Knew? appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

“How to Help Young Children Build Resilience” originally appeared at freespiritpublishingblog.com.
Copyright © 2022 by Free Spirit Publishing. All rights reserved.

My favorite photos of my little sister’s preschool years are the ones where she has food on her head. Spaghetti, chocolate ice cream, breakfast cereal—anything in a bowl became her hat. She loved to roll in the mud and run in the rain. Coloring, she’d get marker all over her smiling face. Playing outside, she’d fall and scrape her knees—and get right back up again. She was proud of her Band-Aids and would happily pose for photos at her messiest moments. A phrase our parents often said was, “Oh, Suzanne!”

What has always stayed with me was how Suzanne, who was born with some health challenges and learning difficulties, could laugh at her mishaps and mistakes. She shook them off much more easily than her older sister ever did! She was younger than me—and she was teaching me. Some days I realize that, all these years later, I still have a lot to learn.

My children, as toddlers, were much like their aunt: cute little dirt magnets who fell and spilled and said “Oops!” all day long. Our washing machine was my best friend. I had to learn patience like all parents do. And I tried hard to echo the cheerful, reassuring words heard in preschools: “Accidents happen, and that’s okay!” I wanted my children to grow up understanding that messes and mistakes are part of life. We all make them, and we all have to try again (and again and again). Along the way, we build resilience, or the ability to recover from difficulties and face adversity—to bounce back.

One of my favorite things about my job as a writer is that I get to make books for toddlers and preschoolers. At that age, young children are seeking independence, wanting to try new things and be “big.” I love their take-chargeness. Some of their favorite phrases at this age are, “I do it” or “No, meeeee!” Sure, this tests your patience, but it’s incredibly rewarding to watch your child build physical and mental skills right in front of your eyes. While cheering your child on with a phrase like “Okay, try again,” you help to build the emotional skill of resiliency. That support from you is essential. It needs to happen every day.

I had all this in mind while writing Try-Again Time. This book for toddlers is like a mini-introduction to everyday resilience-building. As young children explore their world and learn new skills, we can support their growing curiosity and independence. Try-Again Time uses phrases that I hope can become part of your child’s daily experiences at home and school. Here are a few try-again-time phrases that let children know you’re rooting for them:

• “Mistakes are okay!”
• “Take it slow.”
• “Each try makes you smarter. Each try helps you get stronger.”
• And the three super words for children: “I’LL TRY AGAIN!”

This positive language draws attention to the process of learning, not the outcome. When used at home, such phrases offer a continued message of support for your children so they get some practice building their “resilience muscles.” Instead of only offering praise if a child gets something “right” (or close to it), focus on the learning-and-growing aspects of each effort: “Wow, your body is getting stronger.” “Look how you’re solving problems!” “Keep trying—I’m proud of you. Are you proud too?” You’ll teach the value of hard work and of bouncing back after mistakes.

Learning new skills takes time for children—and patience from you, of course. There will be days when you and your child both start to get frustrated. When this happens, you get to be an everyday kind of hero, someone who, instead of showing annoyance, takes a deep breath and makes a point of being a source of calm in the storm. That’s the moment when you can rise to the occasion and say, “I’m here to help. Let’s work together.” Offer a hug, a break, and a “try again” attitude. When you do, you’re modeling the resilience you want your child to build.

Since childhood, I’ve loved stories, and I grew up to be a writer and an avid reader of all kinds of children’s literature. I often say I could live in a bookstore. I earned an MFA in writing for children and young adults, and as part of my educational program I have read thousands of stories for kids of all ages. I believe that offering children both nonfiction and fiction books exposes them to a good mix of “how to” and “imagine if . . .” So, if you’re looking for picture books that touch on themes of trying, resiliency, and bouncing back from mistakes, I’d like to recommend a few that you can look for at your local library or bookseller.

The Magical Yet by Angela DiTerlizzi, illustrated by Lorena Alverez

A rhyming story that helps children see how to turn a negative into a positive. The “Yet” is a special companion we all have: Can’t tie your shoes? Yet! Can’t ride a bike? Yet! The “Yet” is there to help out anyone who’s still learning but willing to try.

Peep Leap by Elizabeth Verdick, illustrated by John Bendall-Brunello

A rhyming story that introduces readers to a baby wood duck who’s afraid to leave the nest and leap to the pond below, where his family awaits. Reassuring language cheers children on: “You’re braver than you know . . . get ready, get set, GO!” Readers learn the importance of taking leaps to grow.

Y Is for Yet: A Growth Mindset Alphabet by Shannon Anderson, illustrated by Jacob Souva

Mistakes aren’t just mistakes—they’re growth spurts. This book uses the ABCs as a framework to introduce a growth mindset. From Ability to Zany, kids learn new vocabulary that expands their view of themselves as learners.

The post How to Help Young Children Build Resilience appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

Summer is over—as a parent, you can breathe a sigh of relief. No more hearing “I’m bored!” every day.

But if you’re a parent of a child on the autism spectrum, that sigh of relief is often accompanied by a feeling of “What will go wrong?” Even when you’re proud and excited, you also feel worried, protective, and sad.

Recently, Tonya* (names have been changed throughout to protect privacy), a mother of a son with autism, said to Dr. Elizabeth Reeve:

“Just when I finally can look forward to some time to myself when all my kids are in school, I also have to brace myself for the sadness my autistic son may face if no one wants to have lunch with him.” Tonya’s son is entering middle school for the first time, a transition that’s difficult for any child but especially one with autism or Asperger’s. Elizabeth Verdick, also the mother of a new middle schooler on the spectrum, relates to Tonya’s need to brace herself for the what-ifs: What if my son struggles in his classes, doesn’t fit in, falls behind, gets in trouble, or can’t find his way? The list of worries is long. The trick is not to let it overshadow the milestone taking place.

Dr. Reeve shared a success story with Tonya, telling her about a sixth-grade patient named Billy. Billy is primarily nonverbal unless spoken to, but like any child on the spectrum, he has unique personality traits and skills. Billy looks like any other sixth grader until the classroom gets loud. Then he puts his head down on his desk and loudly hums to block out noise. Billy sometimes gets agitated in the hallways, too. Because these behaviors can make Billy seem “different,” his parents worried that he’d get teased or bullied. They anticipated that his first few days at his new school would be especially stressful and confusing. To help ease the transition, his parents spoke with the teachers before school started, letting them know about Billy’s challenges and his exceptional spelling skills. On the first day of school, in each of Billy’s classes, every teacher found a way to let Billy answer a spelling question. He stood out in a positive way. The other kids got to know Billy, and he soon became a vital and accepted part of his school community.

Yes, the back-to-school transition has its ups and downs. But you’re the parent of a child with special needs, which makes you a special kind of parent. Advocating for your child can make a big difference in your child’s experiences at school and within the community.

Start Strong:

• Review your child’s IEP (Individual Education Plan): Know what strategies are in place for the current school year. Who is on your child’s educational team? Will your child have an aide or helper? Is there a designated break room where your child can go to calm down?
• Have your child’s schedule handy: Together, go over the daily schedule with your child. Kids on the spectrum have a need to know “what comes next” to feel calmer at school. Print out the schedule and each teacher’s name for you and your child. Be sure you have all the teachers’ names, phone numbers, and email addresses so you can stay in touch. You are the link between your child and his or her teachers. Reach out!
• Practice the “wheres” and “whens”: Does your child feel comfortable navigating the school? Make a point of walking the route from class to class, to the cafeteria, to the gym, to the nurse’s office, and to the bus waiting area, especially if your child is mainstreamed and will not have an aide. Be sure your child knows his or her bus number and bus stop.
• Anticipate stressors: The school day is filled with noise and commotion. Sit down with your child and go over possible problems: What do you do if you forget your lunch? Where do you go if you don’t feel well? What happens if you forget your homework? Who can you always go to for help? Where do you go if you need a break? It’s also helpful for your child to have tools for self-calming. Teach your child how to take deep breaths, count slowly up to ten and down from ten, gently squeeze and release fists, imagine a peaceful scene, or repeat a positive message. Most importantly, be sure your child knows to say to a teacher or other adults at school: “I need a break.”
• Initiate connections with school personnel: Your child will interact with a variety of adults in the school community, including the media specialist, the nurse, bus drivers, gym teachers, lunch servers, and recess monitors. Help these adults get to know your child and his or her special needs. Emphasize what makes your child unique and, if possible, offer tips on how to better understand your child. This may pave the way for more positive interactions.
• Do role plays with your child: Practice all sorts of skills—asking a question, waiting in line, starting conversations with peers, using a locker combination. One mother told Dr. Reeve that role-playing with her daughter revealed some surprising information. During the role plays, the daughter pretended to be a variety of adults at school (bus driver, teacher, lunch aide), and each time, the girl portrayed the adult saying: “Don’t you know what you’re supposed to be doing?” Mom realized that her daughter worried about appearing lost or confused in different situations at school. That valuable knowledge helped the family address such concerns.
• Ask about sensitivity training within the classroom: Your child’s classmates and peers may not know much about autism or Asperger’s. Can you create a learning opportunity, either by talking to the students or asking the teacher to do so? If you don’t wish to share your child’s diagnosis, perhaps the teacher can present a general lesson on being aware of people’s differences and the need for respect and acceptance. It may be possible to set up your child with a “buddy”—a student who can help your child during recess, on the bus, or at lunch.
• Keep your child’s medical files up to date: Does your child have other conditions (seizures, asthma, digestive issues)? Update your child’s forms for the health office, provide the school with medications and instructions, and sign all necessary paperwork. Take the lead on this instead of waiting for the school to contact you.
• Prepare yourself for intense emotions: Early in the school year, many children on the spectrum are even more prone to outbursts, tears, resistance, and meltdowns. Remember that you are a “special parent,” and without your guidance, your child’s life would be very different. It’s important to take care of yourself so you can be there for your child. Take deep breaths, find time to exercise and meditate, eat healthy foods, and stay connected to friends. You’ll be a stronger, calmer parent now and throughout the school year.
• Be proactive: Communicate with your child’s teachers and the case manager on his or her educational team. Find out what’s going right for your child! Is he or she making friends? Doing well in math? Asking for help? Celebrate these successes and brainstorm ways to build on them. If problems or concerns crop up, ask yourself, “What would I like to see done differently for my child?” Think of specific steps that can be put into place. Empowering your child’s team to help solve problems is more effective than demanding a change.
• Give it time: It often takes longer for children on the spectrum to transition into the school year (we’re talking weeks and months, not days). Set realistic expectations. At home, focus on the positive as often as you can: What made you laugh at school? Tell me something you liked learning about. When did you feel proud today? Set up some events so your child has something to look forward to: inviting a friend over, going to a favorite place in the middle of the week, or having a special meal.

This time of year is emotional for all of us as parents, whether we’re sending a child off to elementary, middle, or high school—or to college. The best we can do is to take it day by day. Elizabeth Verdick’s twelve-year-old son put it this way: “I’m going to miss summer. Good times, good times. But I guess I can tolerate going back to school. Maybe. Sort of. We’ll see. . . .”

Good luck, everyone!

Elizabeth Weiss Verdick has written children’s books for kids of all ages, from toddlers to teens. Elizabeth loves helping kids through her work as a writer, an editor, and a mentor to children and teens. She lives in Minnesota where she plays traffic cop for her many furry, four-footed friends.

Elizabeth Reeve is a child and adolescent psychiatrist who has worked with children and teens on the autism spectrum for 30 years. She has an adult son with ASD.

The post Helping a Child on the Autism Spectrum Transition to a New School appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

Here’s the scoop on Brian Biggs, an artist, a children’s book illustrator, and an avid biker. He illustrated my picture book Bike & Trike. He’s a colorful character, like the ones he draws. I loved interviewing him and learning more about his rides and creative side.

How many miles did you bike last year?

I rode 2,650 miles on my bikes in 2020. Which is about average for me, since 2014. I broke my ankle on December 12, 2020, while riding and didn’t ride again until March 2021, so it could have been more!

What was your favorite bike when you were a kid? And now?

My favorite bike as a kid was my first bike. My dad put it together and painted it red, white, and blue. It was the bicycle I learned to ride on. Our house was on a hill, and my dad would push us (my brother and sister learned to ride this way too) down the grassy slope and we’d “ride” into the backyard until we’d either fall down or crash into the swing set.

I currently have seven bikes, all of them assembled by me in my basement. I’m very picky about the parts—like handlebars, pedals, and tires—I choose for my bicycles, and because of the kind of riding I do, I like to make sure that everything works exactly the way I want it to. I even build my own wheels! My very favorite bike I own right now is a blue bicycle that was designed and welded by my friend Mark Weaver. It was a 50th birthday present to myself, and he and I planned every detail of it, specifically for what I wanted.

What can you share about the process of drawing my book Bike & Trike?

Bike & Trike was not an easy book to illustrate. As soon as I read your script, I knew it would be hard to give personality and emotion to these two inanimate objects. I didn’t want to go the route of a lot of cartoons and movies and give Bike and Trike eyes and mouths, especially because we had the human characters of Lulu and Tru riding them, which I felt would seem strange. So I had to figure out how to make subtle things like the angle of the frame, or the tassels on the handlebars, express surprise or anxiety. This is where the fact that I really like and know a lot about bikes helped. I could bend and turn and exaggerate certain things about Bike and about Trike, and still have the anatomy of the bike work. But it wasn’t easy.

How did you decide what Bike would look like?

Since Bike is a present for Lulu, I wanted him to be special. Fenders and lights and tassels and a horn. A classic bike, a little like we had growing up in the ’70s, but not an antique. I didn’t see Lulu in a bike outfit racing a road bike, or getting all rad on a mountain bike, so I stuck with the timeless look.

What inspired how you drew Trike?

Trike might be well-used and a bit worn in places, but it wasn’t long ago that he too was the shiny new thing. He has a bell, a little rusty but it still ring-a-lings loud and clear, and he has tassels too, though one or two might be missing. I actually ordered a small red toy tricycle to use for reference for Trike, and that drove a lot of the choices I made in drawing him.

How would you describe your artistic style?

Ha, ha—a lot of people describe it for me with terms like “fun” and “cartoony.” I usually like big, bold lines and bright colors and a lot of visual humor. I really like just drawing, so even though a lot of my books are made with a computer, including Bike & Trike, I spend a lot of time drawing them with pencil and pen and ink, first. That’s my favorite part.

What is your studio like?

It’s an old garage here in Philadelphia, a short distance from my house. My studio is a place where I like to go and play, but it’s set up so that work gets done. I spend a lot of time alone there, making things, being creative, but mostly really working. When I was a kid, I dreamed about having a space full of art supplies and books, and room to make stuff. Now I have that, and I can play music as loud as I want while I’m drawing, and I can take a break to read a favorite picture book. It gets too cold in the wintertime, but otherwise it’s perfect.

What is your workday like?

It’s different depending on what I’m working on and how close the deadline is. Right now, I’m thick in the middle of a book I’ve been working on for a long time, and it’s at an exciting but difficult place for me. So I leave the house after spending the morning answering emails and walking the dog, head to the studio, and figure out what problem I need to solve. Currently, that problem is how to draw a purple octopus (yes, for real) for a book I’m writing and illustrating called My Hero (Dial, 2022) so I turn on some “purple octopus” music, or a podcast, and start drawing. If I’m writing a book or thinking about a new story, I might not go to the studio at all. You might actually see me out riding my bike in the middle of nowhere, but I promise you that I’m carrying a small sketchbook and a pencil, and I’m thinking about ideas. I’m working.

How many miles do you think you’ve biked in your lifetime?

Hmmm, that’s a good question. I rode bikes like typical people most of my life. Meaning, I didn’t ride bikes much at all. I had bikes as a kid, and I rode all over my neighborhood. I had a bicycle my first year of college (1986-87) at North Texas State University, where I rode around the nearby farmland. (I later got my degree from Parsons School of Design in NYC.) I had a bike for a few years when I lived in San Francisco in the 1990s, and I would ride it to the ocean, or around town a little (but the hills!). And then I rode mountain bikes on the weekends when I moved to Philadelphia, where I now live. It wasn’t until 2013 that I really got into bikes and started riding the amount of time and miles that I do now. I’ve ridden 17,500 miles (!!) since 2014, and my guess is that I rode less than 3,000 miles all the years combined up to then (1968-2013). So, let’s say 20,000 total.

Are you more like the character Bike or more like Trike?

Well, I think I’m like both at different times. When my kids were young, I was more like Trike: “Be careful!” “Slow down!” “Watch where you’re going.” But now that they’ve grown and are out on their own, I’m probably a little more like Bike: “Hey, look at me jump over this giant rock!” I mean, no one was really surprised when I broke my ankle in 2020, while riding my bike. My doctor just rolled her eyes.

Check out the “Downloadables” section of my website for Bike & Trike activities!

The post Meet Biker and Book Illustrator Brian Biggs appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.

My friend and colleague asked me a simple question: Why do you write? I paused—for a lonnnnng time. The easy answer was, “It’s my job. Also, writing makes me happy.” But that only touched the surface. Sometimes, writing makes me very unhappy because I can’t seem to put into words—the right words—what I’m really trying to say. Writing helps me feel a mix of joy, frustration, anger, delight, sadness, and gratitude. Underneath all that, writing fuels a sense of connection.

My maternal grandmother was a published poet. Not a famous one but a dedicated one. I never got to know her as well as I would have liked because she lived far away and she died when I was young. From the 1930s to the 1970s, she was writing about the natural world, wartime, love, and motherhood. Knowing, as a child, that she was a writer opened a door in my heart. I liked to think that a love of the written word was encoded in my DNA. Her poetry has forged a link between us that lasts.

For many years now, I’ve written nonfiction for children, primarily books that help kids understand their feelings and learn how to build social-and-emotional (SEL) skills. But why? I think the main reason is because when I was young, I felt my emotions so deeply but never wanted to show them. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry; I didn’t want people to know I was lonely; I didn’t feel allowed to show anger; I didn’t want to ask for help. For me, this started very young: that hiding. It was like a not-fun game of pretend. When I became a mom, I promised myself that I would make room for all of my children’s emotions. I wanted them to know that having intense up-and-down feelings was a normal part of life. And not to hide it! Writing for children seemed like a natural extension of what I was doing at home. I’m lucky to connect with kids and families around the world through my SEL books.

I love helping kids. I love writing for them too. I read children’s picture books, middle-grade fiction, and young-adult fiction all the time. Kids are my people! They’re who I think about each day and who I love spending time with. Put me at the kids’ table, and I’m happy. My own two kids are grown now: one is a children’s librarian and the other wants to perhaps become a teacher someday. Maybe I did something right when I was constantly shoving children’s books into their hands and saying, “You’ve gotta read this.” Because read this can lead to feel this—a good story takes you on an emotional journey. Joy. Frustration. Anger. Delight. Sadness. Gratitude. All those feelings, because of words on a page. It still amazes me!

So, back to where we started, why do I write? I write to remember. I write to teach. I write to feel. I write to help. I write to come out of hiding. I write to connect. I write because what master storyteller E. B. White once penned to a reader of Charlotte’s Web is the whole truth:

“All that I hope to say in books, all that I ever hope to say, is that I love the world.” No one could say it better than that.

The post Why I Write appeared first on Elizabeth Verdick.